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Pants
http://melliferouspants.wordpress.com/
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Birth Control Curse
Tonight over pizza and drinks with Megatropolis (thank you!), we discovered that we share a common dating problem: death of a relationship by birth control. It’s happened to me with my last two boyfriends. When I’m all “good,” ready to rock and roll on birth control, the relationship takes a nose dive.
Has anyone else had this problem? Surely Megatropolis and I aren’t the only two who’ve suffered from the birth control curse.
Another dating problem I’ve encountered: I’m ready to date, only I’m not ready to date here. I don’t want to date anyone in Utah (insert bitching about weird Utah dating scene), which is pretty fucking inconvenient, considering I’m officially a Utahrd.
Has anyone else had this problem? Surely Megatropolis and I aren’t the only two who’ve suffered from the birth control curse.
Another dating problem I’ve encountered: I’m ready to date, only I’m not ready to date here. I don’t want to date anyone in Utah (insert bitching about weird Utah dating scene), which is pretty fucking inconvenient, considering I’m officially a Utahrd.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Six Quirky Things Meme
The lovely Sterkworks, aka Queen of Tongue-Ups, tagged me for a six quirky things meme. I think I may have done this meme before, but I'm too lazy too search for it and anyone who's read more than two sentences here realizes I have way more than six quirky things to share about myself...
1. I used to save credit card offers and return the pre-paid response envelopes full of Penny Saver ads and other junk mail. I may have even sent dirt and rocks at some point.
2. I HATE hard boiled eggs. When I was fifteen months old my parents took me hiking (riding along in a baby back pack) to natural sulfur springs. I don’t remember it but my folks tell me that I pitched a royal fit and babbled incessantly about how filthy the smell was. It’s the one childhood food aversion I haven’t grown out of.
3. Lately I have been have nightmares about shaving my legs. Believe me, when you sit down next to Matthew Fox in a casino and he reaches for you leg...you’d want it to be smooth, too.
4. When I was seven years old my mom’s hairdresser told me about reincarnation. It completely FREAKED me out. I refused to change in front of our male cat because I thought he was my dead grandpa.
5. Not only am I a member of Club Celibacy, I’m the president!
6. The vet said it’s time for my fat-ass cat to got on a diet...he’s 16 1/2 pounds. I must admit, I was shocked when I found out how much he weighed; I thought surely he would be at least 20 pounds.
1. I used to save credit card offers and return the pre-paid response envelopes full of Penny Saver ads and other junk mail. I may have even sent dirt and rocks at some point.
2. I HATE hard boiled eggs. When I was fifteen months old my parents took me hiking (riding along in a baby back pack) to natural sulfur springs. I don’t remember it but my folks tell me that I pitched a royal fit and babbled incessantly about how filthy the smell was. It’s the one childhood food aversion I haven’t grown out of.
3. Lately I have been have nightmares about shaving my legs. Believe me, when you sit down next to Matthew Fox in a casino and he reaches for you leg...you’d want it to be smooth, too.
4. When I was seven years old my mom’s hairdresser told me about reincarnation. It completely FREAKED me out. I refused to change in front of our male cat because I thought he was my dead grandpa.
5. Not only am I a member of Club Celibacy, I’m the president!
6. The vet said it’s time for my fat-ass cat to got on a diet...he’s 16 1/2 pounds. I must admit, I was shocked when I found out how much he weighed; I thought surely he would be at least 20 pounds.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Queen for a Day?
Tonight my mother told a (very long) story about stress relief that ended with a woman receiving a feather boa and tiara.
“Hey Dad, am I going to come home and find you prancing around with a feather boa and tiara?”
“Who needs that when I have your mother’s underwear?”
(Laughter.)
“What? I only wear it when we’re horsing around.”
“Hey Dad, am I going to come home and find you prancing around with a feather boa and tiara?”
“Who needs that when I have your mother’s underwear?”
(Laughter.)
“What? I only wear it when we’re horsing around.”
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother’s Day Pedicure for My Sister
“It’s not coming off.”
“You can’t ignore your feet and expect to buff off cracks all at once.”
“Yes I can.”
“No you can’t. It doesn’t work that way. You’re getting older. You gotta take care of your feet.”
“I don’t wanna get old like you.”
“You can’t ignore your feet and expect to buff off cracks all at once.”
“Yes I can.”
“No you can’t. It doesn’t work that way. You’re getting older. You gotta take care of your feet.”
“I don’t wanna get old like you.”
Friday, May 09, 2008
C is for cookie, that's good enough for me! Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C !
Mom: What’s wrong?
Me: I went to Albertson’s, because they’re having this really super awesome sale on cereal. Ten boxes for ten dollars! And they were out of COOKIE CRISP! I am so mad.
(Laughter)
Mom (to Dad): Were you aware that we deprived our daughter of one of the joys of childhood by not allowing Cookie Crisp?
Dad: (More laughter) What do you mean you never had Cookie Crisp?
Me: I NEVER had Cookie Crisp! I never knew the delicious crunch of cookies in milk! I don’t know how I even managed to grow up without it!
Mom: They probably didn’t even have Cookie Crisp when you were a kid.
Me: No way! They totally had Cookie Crisp when I was a kid, Stephanie and her husband said so. Steph’s kids thought I was an alien when told them I’d never had Cookie Crisp. It’s like saying I’ve never had water.
Mom: What do you guys want for dinner? I’m making cornbread blueberry muffins right now, any dinner suggestions?
Me: DELICIOUS COOKIE CRISP!
Dad: (laughter)
Mom: Any reasonable suggestions?
Me: I think we should order pizza.
Mom: Or you’re going to die?
Me: Totally.
Mom (to Dad): Call it in!
Me: I went to Albertson’s, because they’re having this really super awesome sale on cereal. Ten boxes for ten dollars! And they were out of COOKIE CRISP! I am so mad.
(Laughter)
Mom (to Dad): Were you aware that we deprived our daughter of one of the joys of childhood by not allowing Cookie Crisp?
Dad: (More laughter) What do you mean you never had Cookie Crisp?
Me: I NEVER had Cookie Crisp! I never knew the delicious crunch of cookies in milk! I don’t know how I even managed to grow up without it!
Mom: They probably didn’t even have Cookie Crisp when you were a kid.
Me: No way! They totally had Cookie Crisp when I was a kid, Stephanie and her husband said so. Steph’s kids thought I was an alien when told them I’d never had Cookie Crisp. It’s like saying I’ve never had water.
Mom: What do you guys want for dinner? I’m making cornbread blueberry muffins right now, any dinner suggestions?
Me: DELICIOUS COOKIE CRISP!
Dad: (laughter)
Mom: Any reasonable suggestions?
Me: I think we should order pizza.
Mom: Or you’re going to die?
Me: Totally.
Mom (to Dad): Call it in!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Where’s My Mother Fucking American Zombie, SLC?!
I’m doing my best to manage my anger with SLC theaters for not receiving American Zombie yet…
In the meantime, to distract myself from my zombie anger, I’m going to see Young@Heart.
In the meantime, to distract myself from my zombie anger, I’m going to see Young@Heart.
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